Dear Boggie,
Today you weigh as much as a turnip and you are about 5 inches long from top to bottom (literally your cute little bottom) and we love every inch of you. Your heart is beating around 150 beats per minute and with every beat you are growing stronger. This week we wanted to write a letter to you to let you know how we are feeling about your arrival. We are scared. We are scared we won't be able to give you what you need or what you want. We are worried that we won't be able to afford everything you deserve. And we are scared your extended family will miss out on the first year(s) of your life. We know we love you and we know we will always love you and that is all we know right now. At this time in our life things are uncertain and that makes us nervous about bringing you into the world. We always planned to have a plan and it seems that plan could be better. We have less than 5 months to get it better and we will, that is our first promise to you.
Our second promise is we will always love you - unconditionally. When you keep us up in the middle of the night, have toys scattered all over the house, when you sneak out of the house, when you go to college, if you choose not to go to college, and even when you decide to privately pay for 24 hour home care rather than put us in a nursing home (I am a case manager after all). We will always love you. I have a feeling there may be times when I do not like your actions but always know we love you.
Our third promise is that we will only use daycare when we absolutely have to. This worries us. We know we will need it use it soon after you are born and we are sorry for this. We would love to care for you at home and not leave you with strangers but that may not be an option (unless we win the lottery this coming Saturday). But please know we are working hard during that time to provide you the life you deserve.
Fourth promise, we will get you closer to family as soon as we can. Being far from our family is tough. We don't have the luxury of having grandma or grandpa next door for advice. Or having large holiday gatherings to celebrate the your new life. We do feel a little isolated and we are sorry for that. The only thing I am hoping is that you will be too young to even notice they are absent. Unfortunately, we aren't too young and sometimes we could really use their presence to comfort us, encourage us, and hold our hands along this new and scary path. One thing I know for sure is your Daddy will never let you feel like you do not have enough people loving you and caring for you. He will always make sure you feel supported and he will always take care of us - he does now and I don't expect that to change.
This week was a bit of a turning point for us. Reality smacked us in our face and our fears are emerging. We know we love this baby we just wonder is love always enough. Will we be able to love it enough to make up for those that are absent? Will we be able to love it enough to make up for our occasional lack of resources or the time it is away from us in daycare? I think so. I hope so. Some people say the fact that we are scared and worried is good. We care and that is important. I tell those people I would rather be oblivious. I know people that are oblivious and they seem to be able to cope much better than I am.
Well, 3 weeks until our next OB appointment and 3 weeks until our US! We are so excited to get another picture of our little baby. We are hoping then we can finally know if it is boy or a girl and call it by it's real name. We honestly do not have a preference, but after watching discovery health channel there are few genetic abnormalities I am hoping to avoid.
Oh, by the way Boggie, severe morning sickness at 17 weeks? Really? I was up all night with nausea and vomiting like a world record projectile vomitist. I really appreciate that. I haven't vomited like that since college - obviously a baby wasn't the reason back then :).
No pics were posted last week. I am a little body sensitive right now and laziness got the best of me. I will try to suck it up and display my huge butt for you to see this week.
So sweet. I hope you don't have anymore setbacks. I was certainly worried for you! You two are going to be wonderful parents! I tell Keith all the time that I want to be sure to be able to see you guys whenever I come back to visit so I can meet the little Wagoner. And when the kid grows up s/he will undoubtedly be hilarious. I can't wait to get to know him/her!!! May s/he'll even go through a gangster phase like you did, Dena! Or whatever the equivalent to gangster phase will be when it's high school time.
ReplyDeleteThis little baby already has a sense of humor. Example, fetal movement right now is kind of random but when I go into a room of a crazy patient it goes wild. Maybe it senses my adrenaline or maybe it is laughing a little inside like me? (that wasn't nice)
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