31 weeks

The fruit analogies haven't been that great lately so I haven't been using them but this week we are 31 weeks along, she is over 3lbs, and is getting ready for a major growth spurt over the next few weeks. Charlotte had a great check-up this week. Her heart beat is normal and everything is measuring where it should be! So, we have about 9 weeks left and things are getting serious. I guess she could come as soon as 37 weeks so we could only have about 6 weeks left. I am still holding on to that hope that a lot of first time moms are late!!

Her movement is definitely changing. I still get some pretty good kicks every now and then but I feel like she has positioned herself head down and butt out - meaning her legs and arms are faced toward my spine. I say this with no scientific or medical proof of course but the movement I am getting is more a push and roll than a punch or kick. There are many times during the day when I can feel her if I press on my stomach a bit. She feels like a hard ball from my pelvic region to about 2-3 inches above my belly button. It's weird but nice to finally know where she is. One thing she has been doing lately is rolling up into a ball during the day. This causes a lot of pressure on my abdomen and I begin to feel like I am stretched to the max! So uncomfortable!! Then at night she stretches out and gets those little feet right up near or maybe under my ribs. This is very pleasant...just kidding! It feels like I have a stitch in my side. Either way her movement, any movement, is so comforting to me. I absolutely LOVE sitting still and feeling her squirm. I LOVE IT!!

I will go ahead and say it. This week was a tough week emotionally for me (and consequently Robbie). It's been really hard to stay focused at work lately and I feel like my work is suffering. I still get the job done but my mind is always somewhere else (multiple other places really). Sleep became a major issue this week also. I have officially moved to the couch and I hate sleeping without Robbie. A.) it's lonely. B.) I have to leave a night light on because I am afraid of paranormal activity for some reason and C.) I miss a little cuddling every now and then! I just cannot sleep on a bed - any bed. I sleep really well from about 8pm- midnight and then it is touch and go. I guess this caught up with me on Thursday night. I woke up about midnight, rolled around until about 2am and then just called it quits and got up. I ended up calling into work because I felt so run down. I have never been good at establishing balance in my life and it seems I am going to be forced into it from now on. We had our first child birthing class yesterday and it was great but I think everything came to a head last night after Robbie and I were talking about things. I am so overwhelmed, scared, nervous, worried, tired, etc. about this baby and the upcoming school year. I think the birthing classes just made it more real. A lot of the couples in the class are due around the same time in September and they all seem so organized and put together. I feel like I am just running around with my head cut off. This experience has really brought out a lot of fears that I never knew I had. I'm afraid I am not being a good worker, a good wife, a good carrier for our baby, that I won't be a good mother, that I don't support Robbie enough while he is doing his dissertation and getting ready for jobs. If you really think about it, it is so overwhelming. Sometimes I can get it into gear and get things organized and other times I want to close the door, turn off the lights, and go to sleep. I have always been a big worrier. Carrying a human being inside has not made this better. I worry about all those things I mentioned above and then I worry that my worrying is impacting her development - is she getting what she needs, is she resting enough, is she moving enough, do I need to rest more, am I resting too much, am I eating too much, do I need to eat different foods - it really is endless. Robbie is keeping things together and I am hoping to kick it into gear soon but this week has been a little overwhelming needless to say. (Charlotte just gave me a little push to say "Hey mom! I'm okay in here". I think I need her more than she needs me.)

So, let's move onto something positive shall we...THE BABY ROOM IS READY FOR DECOR!! I cannot believe it. They came, inspected it, and made the determination that the dry wall was not damaged and there was no mold present. This means they took down the damaged parts, which wasn't much, and painted the whole room - done in less than 5 hours total!! We are planning on setting things up and getting her room ready next weekend!! This even stresses me out. We have a ton of stuff in boxes but once you set it up it will make things much more real. It has to be done though sooner or later! Might as well choose sooner right??

Our child birth class was pretty good this week. It is a two day class, yesterday and today. Yesterday we learned about the stages of labor and some breathing techniques. The class was really coach directed which I liked. Robbie, I think, feels a little more prepared for the big day and I know a lot more about what probably will happen. As usual, the Wagoners got cracked up and I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard during a practice contraction. He was massaging my back, as directed, as I focused on breathing and he decided he should massage my butt a bit. I lost it. Then I couldn't look at him for at least 30 minutes because I would laugh even more! I hope today we can keep it together. Today we will learn all about hospital procedures and potential complications - really an uplifting session. Our instructor is wonderful though and the classes have really been informative so far. On Wednesday we have an evening class about caring for a newborn and next month we will begin the classes on breastfeeding. I am confident I won't remember half of what I learn but if Robbie remembers the half I forgot we should be alright.

Okay this is a long one but we are getting closer and there is more to tell!! We are getting close and even though I am really scared I am really excited to see our baby girl and to welcome her into our family. We are looking forward to teaching her so much and to be beginning this new chapter in our life. As we look forward to welcoming a new member into our family we do have to say "see you later" to a good friend who is moving on to a new chapter in her life - good luck Michelle!! We are so happy you are moving out of the desert to greener pastures!! We look forward to seeing you at Thanksgiving - all 3 of us!!