Tuesday, November 23, 2010

2 months...goodness

Well our nugget is 2 months old and I cannot believe it. Life is so totally different now and to be honest I am having a hard time adjusting. Everything about life is more difficult now. Sometimes even finding the time to go to the bathroom or shower can be difficult! We are making do though and trying to figure things out as we go. Robbie, not surprisingly, is a natural with Charlotte! For me things are coming a bit more slowly. Some days I feel like a fish out of water just floundering around. Robbie often pulls me back in and I get my bearings. So many things for me are different - my body, my daily routine, my lack of running, my emotional stability. These are not the things you think about when you decide to have a baby. You also don't think about the sleepless nights. Well if you don't have kids think about the sleepless nights at least!

So this blog is going to be more of therapy for me. I feel like I am in the right mind to honestly discuss how things are going. Overall things are going well. Charlotte is happy and healthy and we love her smile for sure. I have had some issues mentally. Looking back I think I had issues before I actually sought treatment but I think that is how it always is right? I have postpartum anxiety/depression. There I said it for the world to hear! I'm not crazy like that lady in Texas...it's a different kind of crazy. My main problem is anxiety. In the beginning, and now a bit less, I was obsessed with Charlotte's schedule. Obsessed. It think it was something I thought I could control. To be honest I did control it and it drove me and those around me crazy. I was, occasionally am, so overwhelmed with anxiety I think it would be better if I wasn't Charlotte's mom. I know this is ridiculous but this is the place I have been for the last 2 months. Not always great. Fortunately, after trying to divorce Robbie twice I decided to face the music and realize something is not right. I called my OB and started taking medication. I don't want to take this forever so I am starting therapy next week. I have also found a really great support group that helps me get from day to day. The point of all this is show that not everyone has the best experience post-partum. I'm just lucky Robbie realized before I did that I was crazy and he wasn't going to leave me. I'm very lucky.

I'm also very lucky to have Charlotte in my life. Her smile brightens my day and her coos are music to my ears. I'm just beginning to enjoy her...thanks zoloft!

So enough about me...Charlotte is doing great! Robbie and I have been super sick this week and Charlotte has, somehow, avoided it! She's a tough cookie I guess!! She is beginning to talk a bit, well coo and she is really getting good head control. We are so excited for her! The pediatrician told us to start to expect things to get easier and for her to be more interactive. The interactive part I buy the easier - doubt it! She is really a great baby and I am so lucky she has her daddy's temperament - calm, cool, collected, cries when hungry!

We have just finished her first Thanksgiving and it is so crazy to think this time last year we were preparing to run a marathon and she was just a thought. Life has changed so dramatically in the last 2 months!

We will try to post some new pics soon too!! Congrats Megan and Jimmy on your little boy - he is so cute! Also, great to finally meet Henry - Laura and Lenhart he is awesome! We have some great friends here in AZ and they always make the holidays bearable without family!! They are our AZ family!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

6 1/2 weeks

So our beautiful baby girl is about 6 1/2 weeks old now. I usually wait until the weekend to update the blog but everyone is asleep, daddy included, right now so I figured I might as well do it!! Things are going pretty well I must say. Charlotte is settling into a bit of a routine with a few hiccoughs every now and then. We think she has been going through her 6 week growth spurt because she has been really fussy at 5:30 and wanting to eat every 2 hours from then on until bedtime - usually around 9pm. This is tapering off a bit, we think, so it must have been a phase or something. She really is a great baby! She doesn't fuss all that much so when she does we are both a little troubled. Something has to be wrong right?? I have learned that when she starts to fuss I try to flip my switch over to nurse mode and check her out - she's breathing, her color is normal, she isn't oozing anything from an orifice that shouldn't ooze, basically she is healthy. If this is the case I try not to stress too much. We don't like to hear her cry though and we have only made it 3 minutes before we scoop her up in our arms and cover her in mommy and daddy kisses - totally against all book recommendations but we can't help it.

She is definitely growing up. Last night I was sitting in her room looking at the clothes we brought her home in and they were so tiny!! They were made for a preemie - she is definitely not a preemie now. The last time we weighed her she was almost 9.5lbs!! She is perfect though. Everyone always says, "they grow up so fast" - they do!! She is able to follow us now with her eyes, she knows who her mommy and daddy are for sure, and she is able to laugh and smile a lot more now too! She is starting to interact some when we play with her and that is a lot of fun. Her head control is still questionable. She tries very hard but she is still bobble heading around a bit.

All in all things are moving along pretty good. We are still sleep deprived and I anticipate we will be for quite some time (18 years or so). She does sleep more at night but I have never been a "get up in the middle of the night to complete a task" kind of girl so that alone makes me tired. I am fortunate that I am able to take the full 12 weeks off of work to devote to baby Charlotte. Some days all I want to do is go to work - I know what to do there, there are adults there, and it isn't as stressful. I do work in a hospital so there is always a chance that I would be spit up on or I would have to change a dirty diaper - that would not be different. I realize though that a lot of women do not get the chance to be with their newborn during this time so I am grateful for sure!! Plus, I get to catch up on all my reality TV during nap time!! Today I am going to organize the pantry - I am so excited!!! :)

Robbie has been pretty busy now too. In addition to the baby, his school, and teaching it is time for him to apply for jobs. That is right folks! 7 years ago we migrated to the desert for Robbie to study philosophy and eventually become a professor. Well, the time has come. Robbie has started to apply for jobs. Our initial hope was that we would move back to KY when he was done with school here. Given the jobs that are available that is unlikely. At this point we are just hoping he gets a job. I will say that I have a good job here and if he gets a crappy job (which is possible but I think unlikely) my vote is to just stay here and try again next year. We will see. I am learning that I don't know much about the philosophy job market. All I need to know is the following:

Did you get a job?
Where is it?
How much does it pay?
How long will it last?

I will play a larger role in this move than I did the last time. As a new nurse, young, and lacking any preference I moved here without really debating it. Now, I am a mother (and yes he is a father) and a woman with somewhat of a career. I have to make sure the move accommodates all of us. We should know by December if he has any job interviews. If interviews result from the applications we should know by April if he has any job offers! This is an exciting time for all of us!! Exciting, challenging, and scary all at once!

So, this update wasn't too funny but I figured we haven't really "updated" folks in a while. This is where we are at right now! This weekend I plan to attend a Jewish food festival to witness the Guinness book of world records attempt at the largest matzo ball. My life is so exciting right now!!